Tour Fantasy Insider: Who he likes, doesn't at Oakmont

After pouring over the entry list for 107th U.S. Open with his expert eye, PGATOUR.COM Fantasy Insider Brett Avery thinks he has found a few players worthy of his praise. Then again, this is Oakmont, where who knows what will transpire.

By Brett Avery, PGATOUR.COM Contributor

After days of agonizing over the entry list for this week's U.S. Open, The Fantasy Insider has arrived at his ideal lineup.

He attempted to discern hidden meaning while poring through statistics on the PGA TOUR this season and the results of the first seven Opens at Oakmont CC.

He visited the course and examined every inch, scrutinizing the bunkers, the ditches and the hellish greens.

He read everything he could find about any significant event ever played at Oakmont.

And at long last, TFI has the five names that will lead you to greatness:

Wile E. Coyote.

Daffy Duck.

Kenny McCormick.

Stimpy.

Curly from the Three Stooges.

Now, at first glance it may seem TFI is making a travesty of the national championship and the spirit of fantasy golf by touting four cartoon characters and a deceased comedian who wore ill-fitting clothing and barked like a dog.

And before you scramble to search for them among the $75,000 guys in Salary Cap Cup, they're not there.

But, as always, there is a method to TFI's madness (with a hint of melodrama in the aftertaste).

Who fell off more cliffs or had more Acme spring launchers slam him into the ground than Wile E. Coyote, yet he came bouncing right back for the next scene, good as new?

Did Daffy miss a beat any time his head was blasted by Elmer Fudd's shotgun in that duck season/rabbit season shtick in "Rabbit Fire?"

Killed every week in one horrifying circumstance or another, and yet with each new episode of "South Park" there's Kenny, speaking through his parka.

Stimpy: Dumb as a box of rocks but, in the words of Foghorn Leghorn, "That boy, I say, that boy can take abuse for hours."

Curly receives a slap, an eye-poke, another slap, a "hit this" windmill conk on the head, two more slaps and an ear-pull and forgets it completely to launch his exit offscreen with a hearty hi-HO!

Think about an Open course: It causes an endless nightmare of pratfalls, accidents, train wrecks, pie throws and freefalls. The man crowned as champion will have displayed an indefatigable presence, an abundance of optimism and an immediate amnesia of past punishments.

TFI is absolutely certain that if these five guys had made it through both stages of qualifying, they'd all crowd the top of the leaderboard Sunday afternoon in the 107th Open. One minute they're subjected to the ol' step-on-a-rake-slam-in-the-face bit, the next minute they're shaking it off and canning a sidehill-downhill 12-footer for birdie.

You think John Daly draws a raucous gallery? Let's put Curly in the same pairing with a leading Tiger Woods for the fourth round and see who's really the fan favorite.

The Open hasn't had a clowned prince as a champion since Lee Trevino threw that rubber snake at Jack Nicklaus before their playoff at Merion in 1971.

Trevino accepted the fact that the USGA was trying to drop an anvil on every player's head.

He merely chose to laugh it off.

A place as brutally difficult as Oakmont will never be mistaken for a comedy club (although TFI does relish the irony of this weekend's top act at The Funny Bone in Pittsburgh: hypnotist Kevin Hurley).

But in order to persevere at Oakmont a player's going to need a little Daffy, a sprinkling of Kenny, a smidge of Wile E., a pinch of Curly and a whole lotta Stimpy in his mindset.

PS: Welcome to Segment Three of Salary Cap Cup. Last one to the Wyndham Championship the second week in August is a rotten egg.

Three players TFI might pick up/trade for to get onto his roster this week:

-- Tiger Woods. He's hitting the driver so-so, the putter has him flummoxed and Oakmont is the kind of place that will expose every weakness by the fourth hole. Good thing for him his weaknesses are more readily overcome than everyone else. Mr. Roadrunner, please meet the 155 guys who are imitating Wile E. Coyote this week. And enjoy the birdseed the USGA has piled up on every tee.

-- Arron Oberholser. Churning along at 38th in the Official World Ranking and remarkably cut-free since that WD from the season-opening Mercedes-Benz Championship. Anyone who spent time on the sofa nursing a bulging spinal disc the way he did earlier this year isn't looking to go toe-to-toe with an Open setup. But he began with a 76 two years ago at Pinehurst No. 2 and tied for ninth in his debut, then bounced from a first-round 75 to tie for 16th last year at Winged Foot. He's got the look. Now he needs a bit more seasoning -- and an uncompromising week for his back.

-- Padraig Harrington. Those two Open cuts he's missed in nine starts are red herrings. He's got four top 10s where all he needed was a strong third round to make those finishes a helluva lot better (and perhaps give him a trophy to polish for 52 weeks). Last week's missed cut at the Stanford St. Jude Championship doesn't mean much, either. His Irish Open victory on the PGA European Tour was his third triumph in about 30 weeks and he's peaking nicely for the heart of the season. If Woods falters (and TFI isn't convinced that's going to happen) he could be nimble enough to sidestep any late anvils.

Three players TFI might waive/drop/trade away to get off his roster this week:

-- Phil Mickelson and Vijay Singh. A daily double to avoid. Mickelson's wrist problems (against the hay disguised as Oakmont's rough) and Singh's general malaise (no top 10s since the Wachovia Championship in early May) mean placing your Salary Cap Cup cash elsewhere. Singh looks terrific on paper with those ties for sixth in the last two Opens and the only reason TFI's playing him in the match-play lineup is he's bound to make the cut. But TFI holds no grand illusions about either guy.

-- Stuart Appleby. Has made only one cut in this thing since a tie for 10th in 1998 at The Olympic Club, a tie for 37th five years ago at Bethpage State Park's Black Course.

Rotisserie results for Expert League at Stanford St. Jude Championship: 44.0 points (tied fourth, 12 points behind Brett Angel of fanball.com, who reaped great benefits from adding Robert Allenby to the lineup after the trade documented in last week's column). First in FedExCup points, second in putting, third in 300+ drives and birdies. This is how crummy a week it was in the Expert League: TFI had only one guy make the cut (David Toms, solo third) and still led in FedExCup points. Sheesh!

Rotisserie lineup for Expert League at the U.S. Open: Paul Casey, K.J. Choi, Padraig Harrington, David Toms. Active but not in
lineup: Tim Clark, Ken Duke, Anders Hansen, Geoff Ogilvy, Ryan Palmer, Steve Stricker, Bubba Watson. Not in field: Mark Calcavecchia.

Match-play results for Public League 3359 at Stanford St. Jude Championship: Da4 Skinz 11, TFI 7. A 2-2 tie three of the days and a crummy Friday (won only one point, lost three matches by one hole) help the second-place team in the West Division draw within one game of TFI.
Double sheesh!

Match-play lineup for Public League 3359 at the U.S. Open: back9 (14-5-2) vs. TFI (11-8-2). Vijay Singh, Ernie Els, Nick O'Hern, Davis Love III. Reserves: Nick Watney, Zach Johnson. Not in field: Jose Coceres, Troy Matteson, Bernhard Langer, Mark Calcavecchia, Daniel Chopra, Jonathan Byrd.

Salary Cap Cup results for Stanford St. Jude Championship: The main lineup of David Toms (1,700 FedExCup points, solo third), Tom Pernice Jr. (0 points, missed cut), Tim Herron (363 points, tied 17th), Fredrik Jacobson (363 points, tied 17th) and Briny Baird (53 points, tied
63rd) earned 2,479 points and placed 2,229th. Through Week 22 it totaled
15,896 points and ranked 18,874th. For the season it totaled 57,805 points and ranked 3,631st overall. Thanks, Mr. Toms, for saving the side in what was an otherwise lost cause for this lineup in Segment 2.

The "Hey, buddy" backup lineup of Adam Scott (838 points, seventh), Padraig Harrington (0 points, missed cut), Camilo Villegas (65 points, tied 46th), Jeff Maggert (0 points, missed cut) and Richard S. Johnson (270 points, tied 21st) earned 1,173 points and placed 9,309th. Through Week 22 it totaled 33,794 points and ranked 1,222nd. For the season it totaled 51,498 points and ranked 6,643rd overall. That idea to hump Scott as the top choice among the pgatour.com experts looked like genius until the 13th hole Sunday. Hey, Scott: Even TFI doesn't finish a round with four bogeys and a double!

Week 22 winner: Larry's Limber Lad's 9,263 points.

Segment 2 leader: BAMF 50,686 points (two ahead of Horrible Hookers).

Overall: Outrankin' Rankin 93,687 points.

Salary Cap Cup lineup for the U.S. Open: Main lineup, Jim Furyk $293,500, Adam Scott $290,250, Aaron Oberholser $192,750, Sean O'Hair $134,250, Ryuji Imada $79,000. Total: $989,750. "Hey, buddy" backup lineup, Tiger Woods $300,000, Padraig Harrington $267,500, David Toms $238,250, Anthony Kim $114,750, Justin Leonard $75,000. Total: $995,500. Tiebreakers: 285, 1.

Have a question or comment for TFI? Send it to him at brettavery@aol.com. Please be sure to include your name, where you're from, the name of your team and, if it relates to League Championship, the name of your league and whether you're competing in the rotisserie or match-play format.